Respond to every call that excites your spirit.
-Rumi
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
This is today. It isn't yesterday and it isn't tomorrow.
Currently...
1. Listening...To the kids run around chasing each other and the annoyance of PBS kids. Must children's educational programming be so damn irritating??
2.Eating...Nothing. I should find something though because my stomach is growling. Just coffee for breakfast doesn't seem to be cutting it today.
3. Drinking...lukewarm coffee with hazelnut creamer and sugar.
4. Wearing...chapstick and a smile. Lol..OK OK..jeans, blue three quarter sleeve t-shirt, zip up U of M hoodie, and the usual necessities of bra, underwear and socks of course.
5. Feeling...hungry. tired. sore. But, excited about our play date we leave for in half an hour, then the kids are spending the night with Grandma and Grandpa on the ranch and we're going to my dad's gig...so no kids, a grown up night out and a little bit of sleeping in tomorrow!!!
6. Weather...GREY. Blah. Gloomy. Cold. Dreary. Cranky.
7. Wanting... *SIGH*
8. Needing... *SIGH*
9. Thinking... Wow. Hmm. Right now about my new hair experiment, my best friend (who i am text consulting about the hair thing as she's been through the valley and now resides in the fabulous hair promised land...) How freaking hungry I am...seriously? I NEVER eat this early in the day. That I need to cut my nails...they're uneven and long. That we need to get ready soon and get the kids herded out the door and into the car. WHY is Super Why so annoying? I mean seriously. EVERY single character. Figuring out what the kids are doing upstairs one is yelling "Don't let go!!! Don't let go!!!" so maybe they are reenacting the end of Titanic? (a paraphrased version clearly...) No...really...Super Why get it together. I love Phineas and Ferb..that's a really good and funny kids show...not so much on the educational aspects but there is some good vocabulary in there...Phineas and Ferb should be on now. How does my 6.5 year old know so much about adoption? Oh and why does my son have a lampshade on his head?
10.Enjoying...My tepid coffee and the hilarity of my little ones. Soon the company of a terrific friend and her darling children.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
A thousand shades
"There are a thousand shade of white and a thousand shades of black, but the same rule always applies...smile pretty and watch your back."-Ani Difranco
Writing a blog can be intimidating.
What if the 4 people who may visit it think I'm an idiot...what if it doesn't make sense because you don't really KNOW me and know that my mind goes in 7,000 directions at once? That I write like I talk, particularly when it's not fiction. My brain follows tangents down rabbit holes and while it makes perfect connected sense in my head, I can almost see people's ears pouring smoke as they try to grasp at the ribbon that ties all the thought processes together. I talk the same way. One thing I start to say will trigger something else and that pours out of my mouth. Add that to my absolute horror at uncomfortable silence and sometimes my mouth is just off and running. At least if you're reading this and don't actually ever talk to me you won't have to keep up with my flying lips...because not only does my brain move fast but my speech skips along with it. My dad is forever telling me "Stop! Start over...SLOWLY!" (Of course he's old and a man...so REALLY not a prime listener!) Furthermore, I'm always afraid people will lose interest in what I'm saying, and I am supremely uncomfortable talking in any kind of group setting, so part of the fast talking comes from saying what i want to say as quickly as possible before others lose interest, as well as to stop being the center of attention as fast as possible.
Oh I have overcome a lot of that stuff mostly by pretending I was confident for so long. It's amazing what you can get through when you just pretend.
Maybe there's a life lesson in that..? Probably not.
Anyway!
Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to go. Things that in an ideal setting would be perfect. That's disappointing. It can apply to anything, but it gets particularly tricky when other people's feelings become involved. Sometimes they are warranted, or genuinely have a vested interest in the situation...sometimes it is through forcing themselves into a situation that really has nothing to do with them. Sometimes it's something as simple as the timing being off and just having to wait for it to be right. Usually, it isn't meant to be. Occasionally it means that tough decisions have to be made and people hurt. It can also mean that you have to let go of a desire or a wish that you've held in your heart for a long time because it just doesn't seem meant to be.
I'm dealing with a couple of these situations right now and it sucks. It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes. Especially if your brain works like mine and can see too many arguments for and against each decision or action in the process.
They tell me I'm smart and creative. But I don't feel smart and creative. They tell me things will all work out the way they are supposed to in the end. But I dont' feel like they will.
Sometimes the decision is letting go or fighting on and when you can't see the end result (God I hate that!) it's so hard to know which is the right things to do. In losing sometimes we gain, but sometimes we just lose.
There are a thousand shades of white, there are a thousand shades of black, and there are even more shades of grey. Not everything that appears right is right and not everything that appears wrong is wrong...sometimes you just have to listen closely to your heart and wait for the decision to make itself.
Writing a blog can be intimidating.
What if the 4 people who may visit it think I'm an idiot...what if it doesn't make sense because you don't really KNOW me and know that my mind goes in 7,000 directions at once? That I write like I talk, particularly when it's not fiction. My brain follows tangents down rabbit holes and while it makes perfect connected sense in my head, I can almost see people's ears pouring smoke as they try to grasp at the ribbon that ties all the thought processes together. I talk the same way. One thing I start to say will trigger something else and that pours out of my mouth. Add that to my absolute horror at uncomfortable silence and sometimes my mouth is just off and running. At least if you're reading this and don't actually ever talk to me you won't have to keep up with my flying lips...because not only does my brain move fast but my speech skips along with it. My dad is forever telling me "Stop! Start over...SLOWLY!" (Of course he's old and a man...so REALLY not a prime listener!) Furthermore, I'm always afraid people will lose interest in what I'm saying, and I am supremely uncomfortable talking in any kind of group setting, so part of the fast talking comes from saying what i want to say as quickly as possible before others lose interest, as well as to stop being the center of attention as fast as possible.
Oh I have overcome a lot of that stuff mostly by pretending I was confident for so long. It's amazing what you can get through when you just pretend.
Maybe there's a life lesson in that..? Probably not.
Anyway!
Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to go. Things that in an ideal setting would be perfect. That's disappointing. It can apply to anything, but it gets particularly tricky when other people's feelings become involved. Sometimes they are warranted, or genuinely have a vested interest in the situation...sometimes it is through forcing themselves into a situation that really has nothing to do with them. Sometimes it's something as simple as the timing being off and just having to wait for it to be right. Usually, it isn't meant to be. Occasionally it means that tough decisions have to be made and people hurt. It can also mean that you have to let go of a desire or a wish that you've held in your heart for a long time because it just doesn't seem meant to be.
I'm dealing with a couple of these situations right now and it sucks. It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes. Especially if your brain works like mine and can see too many arguments for and against each decision or action in the process.
They tell me I'm smart and creative. But I don't feel smart and creative. They tell me things will all work out the way they are supposed to in the end. But I dont' feel like they will.
Sometimes the decision is letting go or fighting on and when you can't see the end result (God I hate that!) it's so hard to know which is the right things to do. In losing sometimes we gain, but sometimes we just lose.
There are a thousand shades of white, there are a thousand shades of black, and there are even more shades of grey. Not everything that appears right is right and not everything that appears wrong is wrong...sometimes you just have to listen closely to your heart and wait for the decision to make itself.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
In which I give my husband a heart attack.
So this is what my hair is like now. It comes to the middle of my back. It gets caught in things. It's heavy. It's wild.
And my husband loves it.
I do too most days.
But sometimes I dream of...
So, I guess, for now...I will stick to my crazy mane of medium length hair and see what new lengths bring.
(Maybe this picture post will help shake my damn writer's block I have going on both here and in my real writing!!)
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